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The Torment of a Lover by ~chesterfield:iconchesterfield:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Dark


long awaiting
veiled in black
paradise was no longer lost
as she stared vacantly
from a beat up eldorado
in the parking lot
of a single-story motel

the water ran warm
but the blood was dry
the tears were misleading
as i watched cartoons
on a double bed

chance
sat in the distance
of a two-lane highway
in the arizona sun
i could feel her breath
and her breasts
as if she was still in the passenger seat
next to me

reddened skies
stained for eternity
cast up from hell
god is no longer a hero
and i
am just a man
©2003-2009 ~chesterfield
:iconchesterfield:

Author's Comments

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Comments


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:iconfauxgravity:
~fauxgravity Sep 18, 2003, 1:28:18 PM
like watching an old movie you used to love with the sound turned down and a tequila haze and you spew up during the love scene and you start to hate your hero cuz he never breaks a sweat and you look worse after an evening alone than he looks after a week in the desert

--
a rat became the unit of currency
:iconsweetlildevil:
~sweetlildevil Sep 18, 2003, 2:06:39 PM
whoa.. I like it :)

-Jenny

--
Boyfriends come and go, love stays with you till the bitter end.
:iconpantopicon:
`pantopicon Sep 19, 2003, 2:48:57 AM
Reminds me of Jesus' Son, in the kind of conceptual landscape that you create -- fine line between desolation and the sublime. Fine line between gods and men, as your use of the term "just" suggests --> embeds in the closure a gesture towards the motif of failure that binds them both, inextricably, together.

--
I always dream of a pen that would be a syringe.
:iconsomedrunkblackspoon:
!somedrunkblackspoon Sep 21, 2003, 1:09:43 AM
and she is dead, but in the cartoons, death is never a reality. right?

--
love so deep, kills you in your sleep
:iconwindigo:
~windigo Sep 21, 2003, 2:33:11 PM
sweaty sweaty poem. yum!
:iconnepasavaler:
~nepasavaler Sep 23, 2003, 4:43:11 PM
beautiful. i love the near rhyme of breath and breasts.

--
there will be time to murder and create


~francophones *poetic-forms ~france ~lost-souls
:icongroovus:
~groovus Sep 23, 2003, 9:38:09 PM
That arizona sun, that stuck out to me. While the rest of the poem was rather darkish.

The end was pleasing too the comparison almost suggested that both you and god had made a step down. Which in turn makes me think that this poem doesn't tell the full story. Good read though.

--
:bulletblue::bulletblue: hit this ~prosehelper and find out how to write your best prose :bulletblue::bulletblue:

I'm jus' here and now
:icon-anathema:
~-anathema Sep 25, 2003, 12:52:25 AM
hazy hazy hazy, it feels so wistfully hazy. And that's good, great creation of atmosphere and imagery, and a nice little flow, it all feels kinda detached, kinda grimy, like stale coffee and cigarettes burnt to the butt.....good stuff :)

--
htiaf fo lasrever eht
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September 18, 2003
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